So in this video we know it would like to just grabbing things a little bit and present you with a really
fascinating idea.
It's kind of like this social dynamic.
Well it's a bit of a distorted dysfunctional social dynamic that many people find themselves in in life.
And I guess if I was a gambling man I would bet my money on the fact that you have found yourself in
this triangle in some context at some point in the past.
No this model was first introduced to the world by a student of the late great Eric Baron.
Though he was the founding father of transactional analysis.
No not gonna be talking transactional analysis.
That's a very cognitive model of the psychologies.
But I want to give you what I want to share with you the principle in the IDF.
You can see how this really works itself in people's lives.
And this student of fabrics came up with this concept the victim dryer drama triangle as the drama triangle
of social dependency.
I want to show you how this triangle works itself in most people's lives because if you can see it and
understand it you're going to be able to make some modifications and adjustments in your own life if
necessary right away.
And guess what.
Doing that's going to enable you to do.
That's right.
Guide and coach other people were through the process of doing exactly the same thing.
So you got to go there fast my friends know this guy here you know who this guy is.
This is Albert tell us.
I think I mentioned them in the last say in the last section of the course.
Albert Ellis is training video that I watched of and I think was last year or the year before who came
out with this crazy statement.
He said you know the problem with most therapists most helping practitioners these days is that they're
all are slickers he said All right.
Well let's.
That was the guy right there.
And here he often referenced this this concept this idea the drama triangle is is made up of three different
people playing three different roles.
All right.
So rather than me just explain this I'm going to tell you a story.
All right.
And this see if you can identify what role I might be playing those three rules by the way I could be
playing a prosecutor i.e. the bad guy there as the rescuer the hero and there's always a victim in every
story.
This pretty much makes up most movies doesn't it.
Someone to share with you the story of my life.
So when I was young my daddy dropped me on my head didn't give me enough cuddles Mummy didn't give me
enough pocket money didn't buy me a pony.
And then when I grew up through school she said some nasty things to me and then my teacher my teacher
just victimized me and called me names and call me dyslexic and all this kind of stuff they wouldn't
join the army.
I got bullied and all these people were so bad to me until I met this guy.
And I met this guy and he became my mentor and my mentor came into my life and showed me the way and
then I ended up following him and it didn't really matter the direction he was going in his life because
he was he just came into my life and fixed me and all that kind of stuff.
But Sam can you see just through that crazy little story the three roles that are just come into play.
All right.
This is the drama triangle.
All right.
When a person tells you their stop story.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a sob story before.
And guess what.
As a life coach you are gonna be on the receiving end of one or two my friends.
I can guarantee you this.
All right.
This is something that we really want to be addressing a S A P in the coaching relationship.
Why.
Because responsibility breeds empowerment.
When a person is operating from a place of victim I have had the hard life.
I've been hard done by.
I've been used and abused and churned out and society has treated me so badly and I am the victim and
all these people were burned and they've all been burned to me and all this kind of stuff.
People were talking about victim is a victim mentality or woe is me poor me I'm powerless I'm hopeless
I'm stuck I need a hero to come along and save me and ironically Believe it or not many of these people
will darken your doors as a life coach.
And here's the thing.
And even the best of us.
Even back when I first started I I got drawn into the sob stories.
Why.
Because if we're all going to be honest.
Yeah we might sometimes all play the role of victim sometimes when we're talking about how we've been
hard done by my people by bosses by managers in our marriages and our relationships when things haven't
gone our way.
We are the victim.
But when it comes to hearing other people's stories what role do we like to play.
Have you ever seen a conversation or two victims are talking with each other with two victims no one
cares about each other and no one is talking about.
I've had a hard life.
And then the other one says Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but but my life was even harder.
And then the other one says Yeah but you don't know what it's like to be me.
And then this one says and yeah you don't know what it's like to have this sad situation happen to you.
And then it becomes a little pity party where they both desperately trying to get a little bit of sympathy
or attention from each other.
Unless of course a rescuer comes along kind of like a life coach.
And sometimes as life coaches will like to be rescuers don't we.
Especially for victims sit in front of us and the victims telling us about how hard their life has been
and their troubles and their challenges and and how hard they've had and how they've been victimized
and was kind of stuff.
And if we are less and secure within ourselves if we are not grounded in our self-worth we as coaches
will fall victim to this.
How do I know this because I've fallen victim to it time and time again.
All right.
Why.
Because when we are compassionate by nature we're here to help.
We want to do our best to serve people and you know come on.
We all like a good sob story every now and again don't we.
And especially if we feel or see an opportunity for us to become the hero in this story.
And this is where this is really for.
What brings the worlds of guru ism into the helping industries.
All right if you've ever come across someone who makes themselves out to be you know the wizard that
guru that mystic magic person who can just magic people's problems away in like three simple steps are
five simple steps or someone is able to mystically magically fix people's lives just like this with
doing some deep breathing techniques or something like that.
And this is for pretty much fuels the world of guru ism.
All right.
The rescuer mindset but every rescuer Every hero needs a victim and guess what the self-improvement
world is full of victims people who see themselves as being the hard done by ones which leaves some
people opportunity to be a lesson and to grow and slightly manipulative and take advantage of these
people who genuinely see themselves as victims.
I will rule as life coaches.
All right.
Is to show people how victimized they actually are.
Why.
Because all we're responding to most of the time is our perception of reality not reality itself.
And this is where we've got to really start buying into these this is from the last section of course
no.
All right.
Because victims when they're saying I've been hard done by that person is out to get me.
This person has traumatized me and all the rest of it.
What we're potentially seeing is just an expression of irresponsibility.
No I've suggested I think in the last section that each of us have emotions going on inside of us.
All right.
So say for example I've got some emotions right now going on say for example I'm feeling really angry
right now.
You're all right.
And who has this emotion going on inside of them.
Is it me or is it you.
That's right.
It's me OK.
Therefore who is responsible for this emotion going on inside of me.
Is it me or is it you.
That's right.
Is me.
So as a life coach.
No.
What is the most effective way that you can serve me by using your mystical magical healing powers and
somehow doing some astral physical taking on some astral physical form and reach inside and fixing my
emotions or by teaching and guiding me through the process of taking more responsibility for myself.
Well of course we know the latter is going to be true.
All right.
So sometimes coaching can be slightly a bit of an educational process.
But as long as it's a process that is working towards a certain end.
All right.
This drama triangle is absolutely brutal.
When people were inside when people were trapped in it and this does kind of contradict the standard
that I mentioned earlier on people need to be open to new ideas to new perspectives they've got to be
receptive enough to to really be willing to try them on to apply them in the context of their own life
and they've got to be appreciative for the changes that are occurring in them.
But the truth of the matter is that some people don't want to grow in life.
Some people aren't ready to grow in life and it's not seen that these people will never be ready to
grow in life.
It's just saying that they're not ready to grow yet.
For some people they like being the victim because they like getting sympathy the like.
Listen to what they're driven by more than anything else is just get a little bit of attention.
All right.
Not driven by by growing so victims are actually genuinely do need to be persecutors the more power
the better because it gives them an even better story.
All right.
Well I don't know if you can relate to any of this.
Have you found yourself even recently in the last 12 months telling your story about how there was a
bad guy over there or a bad lady over there who's just victimized you.
They've not given you what you wanted.
They said some stuff to you and it made you feel a certain way because this prosecutor they're responsible
for your emotions they're responsible for your life aren't they.
Isn't that the case.
Well it's what some people unfortunately believe.
All right.
So through this sanction I'm gonna share with you a few models to hopefully help you better understand
how it is we internally process our external life events because when we don't know how to do this we
can end up getting stuck in this drama triangle and we will move from role to role sometimes we'll be
the victim sometimes if we think we can lord or someone else will step up and be the rescuer.
But what we will never be right especially in our eyes is the persecutor.
That's always the role that someone else plays never us though.
All right.
So there is a more mature way of living life.
All right by stepping out of this completely and taking full responsibility for ourselves which we can
Stanley only do once we understand ourselves we're only going to understand ourselves once we are aware
of ourselves.
Are you with me.
So that's pretty much what we're gonna be devoting the rest of this section to looking a little bit
closer at you.